Fact: Halloween is my favorite Holiday.

     If I could go back in life there aren't many things I would change, but I would change this.
It was five years ago to the day, almost to the hour even.  We had just finished trick-or-treating in my neighborhood so my brother's friends decided it would be fun to go to Garrett Park to score some more candy.  To be honest the actual holiday wasn't anything memorable, if it wasn't for him it wouldn't even be worth remembering, but alas, it is.  We started walking away from this one house when we bump into them; Andres and his friends recognized them right away but I only knew one of them.
     ...The sad part about this whole story is that the next part, what this story leads up to, has got to be the most anticlimactic ever...
     Anyways, so he (the only one I recognize) literally bumps into me, and that's when it happens.  He turns to me and says "Who the hell are you?" and all I can mutter is "I'm the sister".  That's what I said to him. That's all I said to him.  That's the last thing I ever said to him. And that's the end to my story.
     To this day I can't help but wonder if up in Heaven he knows who I am.  It's the worst feeling in the world to think that someone that has impacted your life so much doesn't even know who you are, doesn't even know your name, doesn't even care.  I want so badly for him to know that my name is Camila and that I knew who he was.
     That's probably my biggest regret in my life so far.  And that, my friends, is one of the reasons why Halloween will always and forever be my favorite holiday.

Can You Feel It?

     Can you feel it? In the air? Can you?  That, my friend, is fall.  More than just fall, that right there is Halloween in the air!  The time when all the leaves are changing and are strewn across the ground randomly, but all the while they look like they belong there? Yeah that's it.  The calm breeze slightly rustling everything around it, but it's never too cold.  The start of Hot Chocolate season begins.  Girls stop being able to dress like sluts because the weather makes them cover up a bit more, so life stops becoming such a beauty contest.  It's the time for comfort and it's the time for warmth.  Fall is the perfect season, October is the perfect month, and Halloween is the perfect holiday. Fall is a time when magic is in the air and anything is possible.

Fact: Forgetting is impossible

     Every time I cross a street I go through it again.  Every time I cross a street, especially not on a cross walk, I remember my fear.  Every time I cross a street I have to tell the people I'm with that I'm scared of crossing streets; I'd never tell them why though.  Crossing a street the  other day made me remember the events of my Junior retreat.
     Most people use their retreat as a time to get to know different people and become better friends with everyone, but  I'm all for solidarity, so even though I did become friends with people, that wasn't my revelation.  Many people get all sappy and emotional once they start opening up and letting other people in. My life changing experience had nothing to  do with anyone else in my class really.
     We were handed a piece of paper and told to right our sins on it or a resolution of some kind so we could throw it into the big bonfire later, of course, me being the unique and quirky girl that I am, chose to do something different with it.  All I had on my paper were two things.  Two names that I will never in my life forget.  Two dates that always come back around no matter how much it kills me.  Two events that really changed who I am.  There it was in pink marker written across the inside of the paper:

November 13, 2006

March 11, 2011

Luke Carter-Schelp

Momma Mansilla

     Two people, two tragedies, two unforgettable moments.  I didn't write their names on the paper so I could forget them and never be sad ever again.  I wrote their names so I could once-and-for-all learn to not let my melancholy get in the way of me living my life.  I wrote it for all the pain, for all the suffering, for all the tears, for all the sleepless nights, for all the emptiness, and for all the missed opportunities that effected everyone who knew them.  Not only did I write it for all the sadness I wanted to take away, I wrote it for all the good times, the laughter, the smiles, the lessons, the memories, the love, the openness, the understanding, the compassion, the crushes, the chances taken, the good decisions, and most importantly, for all the marks left on everybody who knew them.  I wrote it down so I could thank them, and learn to let them go; not completely, just enough so that when I get to see them again, I have things to tell them besides mourning.  When I threw the paper out I promised to only think of them with happiness and joy, I promised to let the memory of them help shape me, and not be scared to show it.
     With my note, I let them know that they will always be remembered and that I have them to thank for so much.