I'm sitting outside on my grandfather's balcony, all the windows are open leading to the inside, and it's December. The breeze is amazing, the weather is perfect, and I'm freaking out a little bit. The only other time I've been here over Christmas was at least 8 years ago and I was ungrateful and pissed off the entire time. This time it was my idea to come here, I know it makes my parents happy to come home and growing up makes me miss this place more and more so it's the least I could do to suck up my aversion to leaving Maryland for any length of time.
There's something about the idea that it's going to be in the 80 degrees on Christmas that makes me cringe a little bit. Don't get me wrong, this is such a nice break from the freezing temperatures back at home, but there are no songs about a blistering hot Christmas. Sleigh rides through the snow, walking in winter wonderlands, dreaming of white Christmases, that doesn't exist here. It was the absolute weirdest thing picking out a dress for Christmas Mass and not thinking about warmth...I picked a summer dress.
That being said, I love it here. The atmosphere, the family, the language is all completely intoxicating. Being out on the balcony I can hear the perfect mix of the occasional car rushing by, my brother playing guitar, the thrilling conversation at the table, all wrapped in this unexplainable calm. Things are good here; everyone's happy. I've been coming here since I was three weeks old but I just recently started appreciating it. The truth is, even though I'm scared to admit it to myself half the time, sometimes I think I wouldn't mind living here for a while. I don't regret at all not moving in 5th grade like we were supposed to, my life is something I wouldn't change at all, but my life wouldn't be that bad (except for never having the slightest chance of a white Christmas and having the holiday over my summer break, that would suck).
Sometimes I think it might have been better for me...
