I Don't Want to be in Love

     I think I've come to a major realization about the influence music had on my middle-school self.  I am almost positive that a great contributor to my cynicism about all relationships at the teenage level is the renowned band Good Charlotte.  Good Charlotte and their chart-topping song "I Don't Wanna Be In Love", that is. 
      Hear me out: in 7th grade the catholic middle schools would all congregate for dances and they'd be just long enough to get through the cleaner (or I guess the apropriate term would be less inappropriate) Top 40 songs.  "I Don't Wanna Be In Love" made it on that list for the majority of the year.  7th grade was also the time of my first "boyfriend".  Even though it was strictly a talk-on-the-phone-every-day-but-no-contact-outside-of-that relationship, to the rest of my friends and me it was as legitimate as it got.
     What does any of this have to do with my cynicism?  Well we broke up (shocker of all shockers, right?) and I realized that I needed to not care, especially not in front of my friends.  Now don't get me wrong, the amount that I genuinely did care was not very much but just enough to want to hide it.  My favorite song at that time was, of course, that little Good Charlotte diddy I always heard at dances.  There's a line in that song that goes "We break-up, it's something that we do now.  Everyone has got to do it sometime, it's all right, let it go, get out there and find someone."  and that became my mantra.  That's what I would tell my friends whenever they asked if I was sad (or for the cattier friends, when they tried to point out how sad I should be). 
      I guess I clung to that a little too intensely in my head and somewhere along the line those words became law.  Everyone had to brake up eventually and when they do it shouldn't be sad, they should get out there asap.  When that song becomes your bible at a young age I guess it's hard to shake it off as you get older and not everyone breaks-up.  I'm not saying that's the only, only, only reason I'm cynical, but it definitely didn't help.  Interesting how something as silly as a pop-song could help shape someone...

'Tis The Season

     Well here we are again, Christmas time is in four days and with that it's time for self-reflection.  Last year I remember being in Chile and wanting nothing more than a white christmas.  This year I might not get my white Christmas but surprise of all surprises, my family came up from Chile!  I never really considered I could get the best of both worlds.  Well this year I can drive myself around which comes in handy when you have a job and friends and just want alone time.  Ginny (my car) is kind of like what my room used to be.  Also my brother's friends and my brother have come back from their first semester of college...it's weird. 
    Speaking of college, I've gotten in a couple of places and the more acceptances I get the more lost I become.  All I want for Christmas is to know where I want to go.  A lot of people either applied early decision or had a very clear first choice; needless to say I'm beyond jealous of them.  Who knew I'd be here, blogging and thinking about college and Christmas.  My Christmas list was pretty simple this year but very clear so it's easy to follow.  I want a couple new CDs, a couple new books, knee-high boots (I mean I am a typical teenage girl after all), and some nail polish.  But again, I'd switch all that for a clear choice of my future.  I'm a bit terrified of picking the wrong thing.  Also I always said I wanted to go somewhere where I don't know anyone but I never really took into consideration what that would do to my current friendships.  I'm scared my best friends won't be my best friends anymore.  I'm scared because I know that's basically inevitable.  Hopefully all works out.  I still have time to worry about it and at the same time I still have time to worry about nothing, being a second-semester senior and all.  Wow, me, a second-semester senior.  Things happen fast, and this Christmas break, as short as it may be, will be unforgettable, if for nothing else than the simple fact that this is the last Christmas before everything changes.  I want to go ice skating and I want to see my friends.  I want to see all my friends, so that I have at least one more memory with each of them before I go add more friends to my life. 

    So Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Survived-the-End-of-the-World, I hope you have an amazing end to 2012 and an even better 2013 (you know, the year I graduate high school)!