Selfess v Pushover

     When does "too much" start becoming "too much"?  You're supposed to help people whenever possible, right? Right? I'm starting to think that that might not be the case.  In high school I have always been one of the main go-to girls whenever someone had a question or needed help with something, and I've never been one to complain about it.  I think it's great that so many people trust me enough to allow me to help them, but lately I've started to think that I'm spreading myself too thin.  Whenever somebody asks me for help I immediately put their needs as first priority; anything to make their lives easier, but what happens when their needs start getting in the way of any of the little "me" time that I have left?  Is it okay to be selfish and deny them assistance sometimes? Is that even considered being selfish?  All I know is that inside me there is a roaring debate on what I should do.  On one hand, I really do love helping people and if I start denying them help they might never come to me again.  On the other hand, I think I might go insane if this keeps up the way it is.  Sanity over high school sainthood, or high school sainthood over sanity?  I definitely don't want to become somebody that people hate; I've worked hard to make sure it's the opposite, which I guess is why there isn't an easy answer for me.  Regardless of how deprived of thinking time I am nowadays, my sense of logic is still intact, and I know what I have to do: I have to be "selfish" instead of bottling up everything and eventually exploding (trust me, that will be much worse).  I guess it's not about caring for yourself more than others, it's about caring for others so much that you wanna be the best you can be...even if that means taking a break every once in awhile.

Bored With Real Life

     So I'm the loser who watches way too much TV and takes it all way too seriously, but then again that's what TV is for, right?  It's there for you to lose yourself in, to escape the pain and stress and drama of everyday life and to live in someone else's for a bit.  It's the same idea as a book except it doesn't give you much room for imagination (which is fine).  So anyways, I was just thinking of this popular show Greek that used to be on ABC Family; it didn't get cancelled, it didn't only go on for a season or two, it went on for four years and came to end.  Well for the longest time I was convinced that Greek was one trend I could pass on; turns out I was wrong.  I came into the show a couple episodes into the final season because I decided to stay on the channel after the previous show.  I don't know why and I don't know how exactly, but within that one hour I was captivated.  The show had two months left before it all ended, I could have easily just been fine with not watching it ever again or just starting from there.  For the next three weeks, after I had watched a couple of the ongoing episodes, I spent every second of my free time on Hulu, catching up on the love triangles, the backstabbing, the quest for power, everything.  I took it as a sign that I was meant to fall in love with this show when I saw that Hulu had every single episode (which is a rare thing for the site).  Greek let me escape school and completely immerse myself into this fantasy, it let me be sad when Cappy and Casey broke up, it let me be angry when Frannie tried to outdo ZBZ, it made me long for Even and Cappy to both end up happy, but most of all, it let me forget about everything.  When a show like that comes around you should consider yourself lucky to have been a part of it; it doesn't happen every day.  So even though I'm the loser who dedicates way too much time to TV shows, I wouldn't want it any other way.

Nonstop Nostalgia

     You know, I've always been a very nostalgic person; always looking back on the good time.  Here's the thing I learned though: you only remember the good things.  Now I'm not saying that's a bad thing, it just makes looking back that much more addicting.  Today I was looking through my friendship with my good friend over facebook and I came across a fight he had with this girl, I ended up mediating the conversation (a little favoritism if I'm honest).  It was then that I realized that our friendship used to be completely free of stress; pure fun.  over the years it as become weighted with teenage angst and the tribulations faced in high school.  So today I have come to a new resolution: I'm going to go back to my roots, the good old days, the part of memories that stay with you, I am going back to being way less dramatic.  I took the first step quickly after this epiphany by calling up the friend that inspired this whole thing and talking to him like I used to; surprisingly it's easier than I though it would be!  Anyways, I guess the whole point of this post is to say that you keep mostly good memories in life, so why not make everyday worth remembering in 20 years?

Way Too Young For This.

     You know what I don't get? If you're with someone for a long time in high school, it should be great, right? Think again.  I know my fair share of long term relationships and seeing them as a third party has really put me in perspective.  Most of the relationships I see are a good 75% fighting after the first five-ish months.  The one sentence that screams at me every time one of my friends tells me about their latest fight with their significant other is this: WE'RE NOT EVEN UPPERCLASSMEN YET...WE'RE TOO YOUNG TO BE WASTING OUR TIME FIGHTING! Honestly it's just ridiculous! I don't care if the 25% of time not fighting is greater than anything you've ever experienced, I don't care if you think he's the love of your life, and I really don't care if "you're not like the other couples out there" because you're wrong.  Whether you're fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, or seventeen, fighting instead of enjoying yourself isn't worth it.  You're only young once, you're only in high school for four years, you're only a teenager for 7 years, you don't have time to waste.  Any moment spent fighting when there's an easy solution is a moment you will never get back.  The cold hard truth is almost all high school relationships don't work out and if you refuse to believe that you're part of the majority I have news for you: the divorce rate is over 50%.  Somethings aren't worth fighting for and a petty high school relationship is definitely on that list.

Fact: All Teens Have Superpowers

     So lately I've noticed something strange; teenagers (mostly girls) have super powers.  It's simple really, have you ever noticed that when you're in trouble with your parents, you're always the one to stomp out of the room in anger? Yeah, think about it. Exactly.

Myth: All Teenagers Love Driving

     Sure the idea of driving is appealing, you'd have to be insane not to want the sense of control and freedom, but it's also the scariest thing you could ever do.  Not only does the country we live in let us control a fully automotive vehicle when we're a mere 16 years old (15 in some states), they also expect us to abide by the rules and not let the newly found power get to our heads: impossible.  The truth of the matter is that driving is scary.  So many bad things happen while in a car, and to be able to kill some one with one simple mistake, the pressure is crippling.  Now don't get me wrong, I want my license ASAP and I intend on getting my own car as soon as I have the money.  even with all my friends hounding me and my parents being close to unbearable nowadays, I can't shake the fear.  In my lifetime I've known three people that have died, one by cancer and the other two by cars.  no matter the reason, no matter how safe you are as a driver, every time you get onto that road (whether it's day or night, weekday or weekend) you risk your life.  I guess ultimately I have to suck it up because in this century, not only are you a total loser if you have the chance to get your license and opt-out, you need a car to get around, ESPECIALLY if you're a teen.  Life is rough...I need a helmet (or I guess "seat belt" would be a cheesier word to use).

Old Dog, New Tricks.

     Alright so here we go.  I like writing, a lot.  I do it in my spare time and I tend to write down my inner monologue a lot.  Finally I figured, why not let others hear what i have to say? So here goes nothing.  I'm just your typical teenage girl who's awkward, weird, and doesn't know what to do with herself half the time.  So here I go, stepping way out of my comfort zone, and sharing my thoughts with the rest of the internet.  Old to writing, new to blogging.