Boy-Searching, Boy-Shopping, Boy-Hunting. It doesn't matter what you call it, we all did it. Whether it was hitting up the mall or scoping out dances, one of the main activities for you and your group of girl friends was to try and make more guy friends. Now that we're a bit older we can ditch the cheesy name and simply say we're going to meet new people. You start at an early age to think that the only way you make friends with the opposite gender is to go out of your way with a group of people to make yourselves known. Well I'll tell you one thing: it was a lot easier back then.
Now don't get me wrong, I don't think I'll miss those days of "boy-hunting", it was just a lot easier to meet new people when the aforementioned objective was on the forefront of everyone's minds. There are so many ways to meet people when you're younger because you don't know anyone to begin with, every face you see is a potential new friend. Now, we always used to say all we wanted was to be friends with those guys that we'd meet, but we all know that's a lie. Back then you met a guy so you could like him. Unfortunately, we've exhausted all our boy-meeting efforts on those futile and very shallow reasons so that when you get a bit older and decide you do want new guy friends, there are no more to meet! What seemed like the easiest thing in the world has now become rather difficult and tedious. The bigger your social circle gets (and it expands exponentially during that first year of venturing out into society and befriending everyone that looks your age) the harder it becomes to keep expanding. It's gotten to the point where everyone knows everyone and there is no way to meet a person without already having some sort of link to them!
It may just be the catholic school system, it may just be microscopic Montgomery County, it might just be the amount of people in my age group in general, whatever it is...I hate it.
Monday, January 23, 2012
Monday, January 2, 2012
The Lying Game
I'm playing my own lying game. The scary part is I don't want to play; I'm stuck inside my own lying game.
It was easier when I only had one best friend, but recently so many great people have strolled into my life that the list has gotten four times as big. Most of the time the number doesn't affect me, but lately I'm caught in the middle of something I couldn't care less about.
The closer you get to someone the more you trust them, and in turn, the more they trust you. The more they trust you, the more they tell you. People trust me; they trust me for a reason. If someone asks me not to tell anyone, I don't. It's simple and easy, or at least it was. The closer you get with someone the more you want to tell them until it gets to the point where you want to tell them everything. You can see where having more than one best friend gets conflicting.
Lying about knowing, lying about how much, lying about what exactly it is. You can have all the details from both sides and still not be able to say a word. When I said I was playing my own lying game before, I lied. It's not my game, I am just one of the pawns. If I choose to quit it means I restrict people being able to talk to me; if I choose to quit I lose. If I keep playing my friends are gonna tear me apart slowly and unknowingly; if I choose to keep playing, I lose. My two friends, they are the players moving my piece around the board. I can't side with either because that means I don't agree with one. I can't keep defending one to the other. I'm stuck inside a lose-lose situation.
Let's go back to when Candy Land was the only game people liked playing.
It was easier when I only had one best friend, but recently so many great people have strolled into my life that the list has gotten four times as big. Most of the time the number doesn't affect me, but lately I'm caught in the middle of something I couldn't care less about.
The closer you get to someone the more you trust them, and in turn, the more they trust you. The more they trust you, the more they tell you. People trust me; they trust me for a reason. If someone asks me not to tell anyone, I don't. It's simple and easy, or at least it was. The closer you get with someone the more you want to tell them until it gets to the point where you want to tell them everything. You can see where having more than one best friend gets conflicting.
Lying about knowing, lying about how much, lying about what exactly it is. You can have all the details from both sides and still not be able to say a word. When I said I was playing my own lying game before, I lied. It's not my game, I am just one of the pawns. If I choose to quit it means I restrict people being able to talk to me; if I choose to quit I lose. If I keep playing my friends are gonna tear me apart slowly and unknowingly; if I choose to keep playing, I lose. My two friends, they are the players moving my piece around the board. I can't side with either because that means I don't agree with one. I can't keep defending one to the other. I'm stuck inside a lose-lose situation.
Let's go back to when Candy Land was the only game people liked playing.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Dreaming of a White Christmas
I'm sitting outside on my grandfather's balcony, all the windows are open leading to the inside, and it's December. The breeze is amazing, the weather is perfect, and I'm freaking out a little bit. The only other time I've been here over Christmas was at least 8 years ago and I was ungrateful and pissed off the entire time. This time it was my idea to come here, I know it makes my parents happy to come home and growing up makes me miss this place more and more so it's the least I could do to suck up my aversion to leaving Maryland for any length of time.
There's something about the idea that it's going to be in the 80 degrees on Christmas that makes me cringe a little bit. Don't get me wrong, this is such a nice break from the freezing temperatures back at home, but there are no songs about a blistering hot Christmas. Sleigh rides through the snow, walking in winter wonderlands, dreaming of white Christmases, that doesn't exist here. It was the absolute weirdest thing picking out a dress for Christmas Mass and not thinking about warmth...I picked a summer dress.
That being said, I love it here. The atmosphere, the family, the language is all completely intoxicating. Being out on the balcony I can hear the perfect mix of the occasional car rushing by, my brother playing guitar, the thrilling conversation at the table, all wrapped in this unexplainable calm. Things are good here; everyone's happy. I've been coming here since I was three weeks old but I just recently started appreciating it. The truth is, even though I'm scared to admit it to myself half the time, sometimes I think I wouldn't mind living here for a while. I don't regret at all not moving in 5th grade like we were supposed to, my life is something I wouldn't change at all, but my life wouldn't be that bad (except for never having the slightest chance of a white Christmas and having the holiday over my summer break, that would suck).
Sometimes I think it might have been better for me...
There's something about the idea that it's going to be in the 80 degrees on Christmas that makes me cringe a little bit. Don't get me wrong, this is such a nice break from the freezing temperatures back at home, but there are no songs about a blistering hot Christmas. Sleigh rides through the snow, walking in winter wonderlands, dreaming of white Christmases, that doesn't exist here. It was the absolute weirdest thing picking out a dress for Christmas Mass and not thinking about warmth...I picked a summer dress.
That being said, I love it here. The atmosphere, the family, the language is all completely intoxicating. Being out on the balcony I can hear the perfect mix of the occasional car rushing by, my brother playing guitar, the thrilling conversation at the table, all wrapped in this unexplainable calm. Things are good here; everyone's happy. I've been coming here since I was three weeks old but I just recently started appreciating it. The truth is, even though I'm scared to admit it to myself half the time, sometimes I think I wouldn't mind living here for a while. I don't regret at all not moving in 5th grade like we were supposed to, my life is something I wouldn't change at all, but my life wouldn't be that bad (except for never having the slightest chance of a white Christmas and having the holiday over my summer break, that would suck).
Sometimes I think it might have been better for me...
Sunday, November 13, 2011
5 Years Gone in The Blink of an Eye
Sorry if this is getting repetitive, it'll stop after this.
It was November 13, 2006, a little before 6pm. I was on my way to my basketball practice at Oakland Terrace; I was running late. As soon as my mom and I turned onto Strathmore it became clear that we were going to be way later than originally anticipated. There was a traffic jam on that road caused by an accident, all I remember thinking was how mad coach was going to be at me. The actual practice has long-since escaped my memory. I was happy to see that on the way home the traffic was all gone, I made it back in record time.
Next Scene:
I was downstairs playing Neopets, and then my brother comes to the top of the stairs. Our conversation went exactly, not somewhat, like this:
"Do you know what happened tonight"
"What happened where?"
"The accident"
"What happened?"
"Luke died"
...
And that was it. The rest is one huge blur. Five years ago today someone older than my died. Today, a 12 year old boy died five years ago; I am four years older than he will ever be. I don't get to say this out loud a lot, maybe once a year, but I miss Luke Carter-Schelp and that is one day that I will never forget.
It was November 13, 2006, a little before 6pm. I was on my way to my basketball practice at Oakland Terrace; I was running late. As soon as my mom and I turned onto Strathmore it became clear that we were going to be way later than originally anticipated. There was a traffic jam on that road caused by an accident, all I remember thinking was how mad coach was going to be at me. The actual practice has long-since escaped my memory. I was happy to see that on the way home the traffic was all gone, I made it back in record time.
Next Scene:
I was downstairs playing Neopets, and then my brother comes to the top of the stairs. Our conversation went exactly, not somewhat, like this:
"Do you know what happened tonight"
"What happened where?"
"The accident"
"What happened?"
"Luke died"
...
And that was it. The rest is one huge blur. Five years ago today someone older than my died. Today, a 12 year old boy died five years ago; I am four years older than he will ever be. I don't get to say this out loud a lot, maybe once a year, but I miss Luke Carter-Schelp and that is one day that I will never forget.
Friday, November 4, 2011
It's a love-hate type of thing.
I know everyone always says that you should tell your friend if someone their dating is totally obnoxious and what not, but is that really necessary? Here's what I think:
You don't have to like every person your friend goes out with, but you should like what they do to the friend. Each person has individual quirks, pet peeves, and obsessions; it's natural. So just because your likes and dislikes don't match up perfectly with those of your best friend, that's not an excuse to bring them down every chance you get.
My best friend in the whole world is currently in a relationship with this guy who she met at a dance. Now I have personally gone back and forth on this relationship more times than a ping pong ball during a really intense game. He's not my favorite person in the world and I have never really refrained from making my feelings known (in my defense I think she deserves something along the lines of perfection); until now that is. While thinking about the things that make me dislike him I realized this: he isn't forced to like me just like I'm not forced to like him, all we're required to do is like my friend. When I took a step back I thought about how happy he makes her (most of the time) and what a good person she has become because of all the things she has learned while dating him. That's when it hit me that I do approve of him as her boyfriend, I may never want to be friends with him, but I do approve.
It's weird the way friendship works, you define the standards for someone else's happiness. When you meet someone who has changed your life, all you want is the best for them; you have to realize however, that your best and their best are two totally different things. Ultimately, as long as they're happy in the moment with how things are, you should be grateful to whatever makes them this way. That's how I am. I am grateful that my friend is happy and I am grateful the he makes her so. I'm grateful that she met him and I'm grateful that she has thus far ignored all the rude things I have said. All in all, whether I can stand him or not, I am grateful for him, and that's all that matters.
You don't have to like every person your friend goes out with, but you should like what they do to the friend. Each person has individual quirks, pet peeves, and obsessions; it's natural. So just because your likes and dislikes don't match up perfectly with those of your best friend, that's not an excuse to bring them down every chance you get.
My best friend in the whole world is currently in a relationship with this guy who she met at a dance. Now I have personally gone back and forth on this relationship more times than a ping pong ball during a really intense game. He's not my favorite person in the world and I have never really refrained from making my feelings known (in my defense I think she deserves something along the lines of perfection); until now that is. While thinking about the things that make me dislike him I realized this: he isn't forced to like me just like I'm not forced to like him, all we're required to do is like my friend. When I took a step back I thought about how happy he makes her (most of the time) and what a good person she has become because of all the things she has learned while dating him. That's when it hit me that I do approve of him as her boyfriend, I may never want to be friends with him, but I do approve.
It's weird the way friendship works, you define the standards for someone else's happiness. When you meet someone who has changed your life, all you want is the best for them; you have to realize however, that your best and their best are two totally different things. Ultimately, as long as they're happy in the moment with how things are, you should be grateful to whatever makes them this way. That's how I am. I am grateful that my friend is happy and I am grateful the he makes her so. I'm grateful that she met him and I'm grateful that she has thus far ignored all the rude things I have said. All in all, whether I can stand him or not, I am grateful for him, and that's all that matters.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Fact: Halloween is my favorite Holiday.
If I could go back in life there aren't many things I would change, but I would change this.
It was five years ago to the day, almost to the hour even. We had just finished trick-or-treating in my neighborhood so my brother's friends decided it would be fun to go to Garrett Park to score some more candy. To be honest the actual holiday wasn't anything memorable, if it wasn't for him it wouldn't even be worth remembering, but alas, it is. We started walking away from this one house when we bump into them; Andres and his friends recognized them right away but I only knew one of them.
...The sad part about this whole story is that the next part, what this story leads up to, has got to be the most anticlimactic ever...
Anyways, so he (the only one I recognize) literally bumps into me, and that's when it happens. He turns to me and says "Who the hell are you?" and all I can mutter is "I'm the sister". That's what I said to him. That's all I said to him. That's the last thing I ever said to him. And that's the end to my story.
To this day I can't help but wonder if up in Heaven he knows who I am. It's the worst feeling in the world to think that someone that has impacted your life so much doesn't even know who you are, doesn't even know your name, doesn't even care. I want so badly for him to know that my name is Camila and that I knew who he was.
That's probably my biggest regret in my life so far. And that, my friends, is one of the reasons why Halloween will always and forever be my favorite holiday.
It was five years ago to the day, almost to the hour even. We had just finished trick-or-treating in my neighborhood so my brother's friends decided it would be fun to go to Garrett Park to score some more candy. To be honest the actual holiday wasn't anything memorable, if it wasn't for him it wouldn't even be worth remembering, but alas, it is. We started walking away from this one house when we bump into them; Andres and his friends recognized them right away but I only knew one of them.
...The sad part about this whole story is that the next part, what this story leads up to, has got to be the most anticlimactic ever...
Anyways, so he (the only one I recognize) literally bumps into me, and that's when it happens. He turns to me and says "Who the hell are you?" and all I can mutter is "I'm the sister". That's what I said to him. That's all I said to him. That's the last thing I ever said to him. And that's the end to my story.
To this day I can't help but wonder if up in Heaven he knows who I am. It's the worst feeling in the world to think that someone that has impacted your life so much doesn't even know who you are, doesn't even know your name, doesn't even care. I want so badly for him to know that my name is Camila and that I knew who he was.
That's probably my biggest regret in my life so far. And that, my friends, is one of the reasons why Halloween will always and forever be my favorite holiday.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Can You Feel It?
Can you feel it? In the air? Can you? That, my friend, is fall. More than just fall, that right there is Halloween in the air! The time when all the leaves are changing and are strewn across the ground randomly, but all the while they look like they belong there? Yeah that's it. The calm breeze slightly rustling everything around it, but it's never too cold. The start of Hot Chocolate season begins. Girls stop being able to dress like sluts because the weather makes them cover up a bit more, so life stops becoming such a beauty contest. It's the time for comfort and it's the time for warmth. Fall is the perfect season, October is the perfect month, and Halloween is the perfect holiday. Fall is a time when magic is in the air and anything is possible.
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